LACEY: Police (2 Units) are on scene at the World-Famous Lacey Super Walmart for today’s action. Loss prevention reports there is a white male in the store causing a disturbance, and is under the influence of drugs or alcohol or both. So far this white male is walking around the store; after previously making a scene at the pharmacy. If you’re playing Lacey Walmart BINGO at home- this may trigger a win.

He was last seen near register 5, and is described as a white male between 250-300 lbs and a black jacket, plaid pajama pants (how gauche) black and brown mismatched shoes. To further add to the disturbance, our fashionable drunk keeps taking his mask on and off. No description on the color of the mask, but it doesn’t matter as no color or pattern could compliment that outfit so far.

If anyone has video or pictures of this spectacle; please email [email protected] anonymously.